Christmas Trees
by suziebabs
Summary: Seb buys a Christmas Tree and Jim freaks out. He /hates/ Christmas. Mormor, I guess (though no actual shipping so not sure...).


**Christmas trees.**

I've never liked Christmas. Perhaps it's because one of my earliest memories is about Christmas and it's not a very happy memory. I was only four years old, and my mum had prepared a lovely dinner. Unfortunately, I was a little bit clumsy at the time, and spilled the soup all over the table and my left arm. Eventually, I ended up with a few nasty burns on my arm and some bruised bones due to my father's temper.

Another reason why I don't like Chirstmas is because of the sentiment. Everybody is always so cheerful and happy, having dinner and just.. I hate it.

Then there's the Christmas Songs: all about love, happiness and more love. Hippies.

And at last, Christmas Trees. Monstrous things, chattering their needles everywhere. If trees could be killed, I'd call Sebby right away to sniper them down. All of them.

But it's not just the memories that make me hate Christmas. It's also the nightmares. The dreams that visit me when I'm alone, the visions that show me my childhood and haunt me. They're there in spring, in summer and in autumn,but during Christmas they take a whole new form. They wake me up every night, often more than once per night, and it always ends up with me avoiding my bedroom or anything else that reminds me of the nights. I usually wake up, try to sleep during the day, when the sunlight warms the cold, blue world, but nothing ever works. The nightmares stay, and Christmas only strengthens them.

So, in short, I'm not a big Christmas fan, which is why I felt rather annoyed and almost panicked when I found out Sebby had bought us a Christmas tree. Sebastian Moran had moved in with me a few months ago, because I thought it would be better to keep an eye on him. Also, his unreserved loyalty was rather reassuring: if someone would be so stupid as to attack me, I always would have my best sniper near to me.

Anyway, I had been away for some days, doing business with some terrorrists who wanted to blow up the ISS. When I got home, I found Sebby in the living room, struggling to untie those dreadful Christmas lights everyone's so fond of. The only reason I would buy them is to strangle someone with them. Sebastian, for example, if that moron doesn't get rid of that tree immediatly.

I had ordered him to get rid of every Christmas-related thing in our appartment, but, stubborn as he was, he had refused. Even when I had threathened to kill him! Now that's just uncalled for, but maybe it didn't really help I threathen to kill him every other day, and obviously never do. He is my best sniper, after all, and my flatmate, although sometimes I'd rather kill him. Today, for example.

So here we are now, standing in the living room, the tension growing every second as we are staring into each other's eyes, trying to make the other one give in. Sebby is the only one (besides Sherlock), who can stand my gaze for longer than a few seconds. It's both annoying, but strangely refreshing as well.

''Sebby, I'm going to ask you this one more time: don't make me kill you, you're too valuable for that.'' Sebastian huffs as I threaten him again. Unfortunately, he knows I'm not going to kill him. I'll have to think of something new soon... ''Get rid of the tree. Get it out. Now.'' But Sebby just shakes his head. The bastard.

''I'm not going to throw this away, boss.'' My sniper starts. ''I love Christmas! And so will you, once you've gotten used to it!'' He turns around and continues to decorate the tree. That tree is really distracting, and I have difficulty focussing.

''I don't think so, Sebastian Moran!'' I hiss, my theeth clenched in anger. ''I want you to get rid of that tree, now!'' ''No!'' Sebastian shouts back. The room starts to spin, and suddenly nothing makes sense anymore. I've had enough now. I turn around, slam the door shut behind me, and run up the stairs, making my way to the bathroom. I need a hot shower to calm down.

As I step under the shower and feel the hot water running over my body, I close my eyes and think about Sebastian and his damned Christmas tree. I take a shuddering breath and I open my eyes again to look down at my scarred body. Old scars, caused by my father, pushing me against the Christmas Tree when he was drunk. I still remember the fear I felt, the moment he had grabbed my shirt and pushed me towards that enormous tree, with all those reflective balls, sharper than razor blades once broken. I remember the pain the shattered glass caused, cutting through my clothes and pale skin, destructive and shiny. They haunt me in my sleep, following me everywhere I go, never letting me go. Since Sebastian had moved in, the nightmares had become less intense, but they never disappeared. I trace one of the scars on my chest, feeling hot tears running down my face, alongside the water from the shower.

Well. I swallow and straighten up a bit. The past cannot be changed, and I've already made my parents pay for it in every way imaginable. I jump at the sound of someone knocking at the door. Well, not someone. I know who it is. ''Boss?'' I hear his low voice. I don't answer. ''Boss, are you alright?'' No of course I'm not, you doofus. Do I fucking _look_ alright?!

He does sound genuinely concerned, though. That's odd. My sniper is not supposed to care for anyone, let alone his boss. Still, it makes me feel slightly better. And that's simply disturbing. ''Go away, Sebastian, and take that tree and all it's 'decorations' with you!'' I shout back, anger replacing the loneliness and sorrow I felt just a second ago. I can hear my best sniper sigh, and he keeps quiet for a while. I turn off the water and step out of the shower, feeling the new anger running through my body. I quickly put on my pants, not bothering to dry myself. Instead of grabbing a shirt, I put on Sebastian's fluffy bathrobe. It's way too big for me, but that's why I like it. And maybe it will piss him off. I grab my deodorant, and almost hit Sebastian in the face as I fling the door open. He frowns as he catches me wearing his now half wet bathrobe, but doesn't say anything. The fury still flowing through me, I take a step closer to my sniper. ''Lighter.'' I demand. Sebastian frowns even deeper, but still gives me his lighter. I turn around and start to walk down the stairs, hearing Sebastian follow me. I open the door to our living room and make way to the Tree.

At sight of it, I flinch slightly, but I straighten up a bit and continue. It will not be in my house any longer. ''Boss?'' I can hear Sebby's voice right behind me, questioning. Worried, even. I show him the deodorant and the lighter and see his eyes widen.

''No. You're not going to burn it!'' he says, trying to convince me. I light the lighter and a little flame ignites. ''Boss!'' he yells. ''Jim, really, be reasonable! What's so wrong about a Christmas tree?! You don't have to sing under it, or buy me presents! It's just a tree, come on!'' I turn out the lighter and look him in the eye. ''It doesn't matter _why_ I don't like it, just get it away, will you?! Or I'll take care of it myself, and you know how that's gonna end!'' I feel happy, being in full control of everything. Sebastian shakes his head in disbelieve, finally giving in to me.

Or so I thought. He turns around, and back again, looking very pissed now. ''No!'' he shouts. ''I'm not letting you spoil the only holiday in the year I happen to like! It's a fucking _tree_, Jim, I'm sure you can handle it! It's going to stay and I'm going to decorate it, whether you like it or not!'' That's it then. I turn to the tree, lift my hand, and aim for it when I feel Sebastian grabbing me violently, his strong assassins-hand in a death grip around my arm. ''Sebastian!'' I shriek, my voice high due to the surprise and, dare I say it, _fear_. Sebby's never touched me before. I don't like physical contact, and neither does he. I think.

He yanks me around and pulls me away from the tree, his other hand snatching the lighter away from me. When I look at him, I can see the anger in his normally so empty eyes, and it reminds me of my father. In fact, everything suddenly does: the strong hand, painfully closed around my arm, the tall figure towering over me, pure hatred in his eyes, the Christmas tree in the background... It all makes me feel like a child again, exactly like in my nightmares. I struggle to free myself from the grip on my arm, and instead of Sebastian, I see my father before me.

I almost yell in agony as he shakes my arm and calls my name, pushing me away, towards the boxes with shiny boubles, waiting for me to step on them with my bare feet, to make the razor-sharp glass penetrate the soft, vulnarable skin of my feet, making them bleed until the whole world will exist of no more than pain and blood, and- ''Jim!'' I hear Sebastian's voice close to me, sounding hoarse with worry. ''Jim! It's alright, shh..'' he soothes me, and I find myself resting in his strong arms, my head against his shoulder, and I finally let myself go. The tears start to flood from my eyes, drenching Sebby's shirt, but he doesn't seem to mind. He simply holds me, rubbing circles on my back, soothing me like my mother should have when - Sebastian tightens his arms around me, as if he can read my mind. I take a deep, shuddering breath and suddenly realise what's happening.

I'm crying, therefore showing weakness, in front of my most loyal and best sniper. No, wait. Not just crying _in front of him_: I'm actually crying _in his arms_, giving him every opportunity to blackmail me with this, or use my vulnerability in some other way. How could I have let myself break down like this? Never, never ever, show people your weaknesses, for they will use it against you. It's how the world works. I do it all the time.

Half panicking, I try to make Sebastian release me from this embarrassing situation. I make an attempt to step back, but he put his hands around my thin shoulders (I notice the care with which he does this: nothing like how he grabbed my arm before) and points at my chest. I inhale sharply when I realise that somewhere during the past minutes the belt must have untied itself, letting the bathrobe fall open and revealing my bare chest to the world, all of the scars clearly visible. As fast as I can, I try to re-adjust it, but Sebastian simply takes my hands and stops me in my movements. He has a kind look on his face, and nods at me.

''What happened, Jim?'' He askes me after a while. I swallow and fight the impuls to close the bathrobe again. ''This has to do with the Christmas Tree, doesn't it?'' Oh, how nice, another person who can read me like an open book. Very funny, Sherlock, teaching my best man the science of deduction.

Sebastian is looking at me, waiting for an answer. I nod quietly, my gaze darting away from him. I can feel new tears form in my eyes as I look at the Christmas Tree, but bite my lip to prevent myself from crying again.

''Are you going to tell me what's happened?'' I shake my head, my whole body suddenly shaking with emotion. ''Okay,'' Sebby says quietly, and reaches out for my hand. I flinch, but eventually let him take it. _Sebby's not going to hurt you_, I keep thinking. _He's not going to hurt you. He cares for you, look at him. He won't hurt you. He's not like father._ Sebby guides me to the sofa and I sit down, quickly closing the robe and pulling my knees up to my battered chest. Sebastian disappears to the kitchen as I sit there, thinking about my childhood, trying desperately not to cry.

After a while, he comes back with two cups in his hands. Coffee for him, and tea for me. He puts them down on the coffee-table, and sits down, rather close to me. Too close. I stiffen and try to move away a little bit, but he simply puts his arms around me and pulls me close in a warm embrace. I shiver and try to make him release me, but he just makes some soothing noises and doesn't let go.

''Shhhh... Do you think you're the only one who's had a rough childhood? I know how you feel, Jim, I ran away from home when I was twelve. So please relax, and let me help you.'' Finally, I close my eyes and feel Sebby putting his arm under my knees to lift me in his lap.

''Go to sleep, Jim...'' he whispers. ''No, I can't-'' I start to protest, but he gently cuts me off. ''Shh, I'll watch over you. I'll be here when you wake up, now sleep...'' I close my eyes and finally let the sleep take over my tired mind.

Maybe Christmas isn't that bad after all...


End file.
